Anger is our natural defense against pain. So when I say, ‘I hate you,’ I really mean to say ‘You hurt me.’
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From the Top of my Head
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I’m not sure I have a specific reason for doing this, but there are just so many thoughts revolving about my mind that I would probably burnt if I didn’t find a place to stow them… Quick.
I’ll get on with my thoughts before I start spinning in circles and passing out. And since I can’t quite bring myself to organizing my thoughts, I’ve no choice but to spew them in list form.
- why do I even bother
- why care when nobody cares at you at all
- wouldn’t it matter if I miss you?
- and that I hate you
- why hold on to something that wasn’t there?
- I feel fat. This may sound shallow and self-centered, but I am a woman, and reserve the right to feel fat every once in a while.
- experiencing escapism and emotional upheaval
- the more you defend a lie, the angrier you become.
- I felt the absence with a knife-edge sharpness I couldn’t contain, and it sometimes left me in a bitter mood.
- I was wrestling with despair. I was trying so hard not to be nega and more than anything trying to beat down my hopes for xvzcvdsg.
- fearing disappointment is more painful than the rest.
because late at night, (when I didn’t fall asleep before my head hit the pillow) , thoughts would turn endlessly in my mind. And that’s the result. lol actually there’s a billion thoughts but fcourse it would take me forever if I will specify them. I guess I just need to stop worrying and lift all my problems to God but I wish it was just so easy. I really wish it was just so easy to escape from this anxiety. Siggggh.
But still, I thank God for entrusting me all this challenges because I know after this I’ll be stronger. :) And I’m thankful for those people who I can talk out of my despair and to all those books that made my mind so preoccupied! :p
There’s actually a quote that I’ve read that I wanted to share, it says “When you’re struggling with something, look at all the people around you and realize that every single person you see is struggling with something, and to them it’s just as hard as what you’re going through.”
I was not hurt badly enough to notice immediately. If you weren’t looking my way, you wouldn’t have known I was different. :(
